About That Scar . . .

I think we can all agree that life is just sucky sometimes. You look through your closet full of clothes and can't find a thing you feel like wearing, or you get cut off in traffic by some idiot talking on a cell-phone who doesn't care two hoots they're that idiot talking on a cell-phone, or you could be just miffed that your chocolate temper broke while making truffles. Hey, now. That totally happens to people.

These are the little obnoxious things in life that, really, we could all do without - kind of like those tiny gnats that emerge (from Hades, I'm convinced) in the summer that are heck-bent on going all kamikaze into your eyeballs. Annoying, but not life-alteringly so.

That kind of annoying is not what I'm going to talk about. I'm going to talk about something deeper. I'm going to talk about harming others (unintentionally and otherwise) in the name of love and not confronting sin in the name of love. My point is simply this: the Church rarely loves properly.

When a wife, bound in agony, goes to some of the people of God and pleads for help, they shouldn't use what is holy to mock and judge her. When a professor gives a lecture that includes some truly erroneous presumptions, people shouldn't tear apart the man behind the argument; a gentle man if ever there was one.

And - this is my personal favorite, one that has had me fuming for the past two days - when women are told in a certain article they are only useful in so much as they make babies and thus should not go to college . . . oh, this. This should not ever happen because the idea behind it is menacing and subtle and it destroys.

It's not okay for people to believe filth. It's not okay to believe a lie that destroys. It's not okay that evil, black and ravenous, rips apart innocent people's lives. And (deep breath) it's not okay when people do some of these things in the name of God. It's more than not okay. It's sinister.

I have seen heinous things done to others in the "service" of God using His Own Words, and it makes me writhe in anguish on their behalf. I've heard a despicable lie on the lips of righteous people - Christians I knew and still love. They didn't know what they were doing, and they still don't. But in quiet moments I find myself thinking, "Oh. Oh, but they should have."

We don't know what love is. Love is not metaphorically beating the Word of God over someone's head until they agree with you. Love does not demean, then excuse behavior by claiming a "spiritual authority" over someone's life. Love does not manipulate - even "for the other person's benefit." This is not love.

But love also doesn't mean leaving sin unconfronted. "But if I have not love, I am nothing." I have been plummeting the depths of this passage the past few weeks and have yet to bottom out. It's too easy sometimes for me not to confront sin in the name of love. I understand the difficulty in knowing the proper line between confronting someone and overlooking an offense in love. Our judgement falters in ways it shouldn't. Rape, for instance, is rape - even in marriage. On the other hand, turning the other cheek doesn't mean we leave falsehood in academic arenas unadressed or overlook a little crunching of "special numbers" in order for the accounts to all add up. We are not well, Church, are we?

We don't often know when to stand firm, and when we do stand firm, we so often fail to do so with real humility and grace.

And while I'm steamrolling right along, can I just explain to you why this is so important to me? It's because I want a reckoning. It's because of Heaven, where I'm convinced every single last one of these things will get sorted out to the nth degree by the God who saw. The One who saw motive and secret thoughts; the one who sees straight through my heart and yours clear as day. And you and I will have justice.

 One of the names of God is El Roi. It means the God who sees. The more I realize He saw, the more I find forgiveness. I don't have to hold wounds close to my heart - they're on His. Forgiveness means being so lost in the love of God, bitterness is no longer necessary. Bitterness can't take root where Love has vanquished every fear.

An old song talks about how sweet it is to trust in Jesus, "just from sin and self to cease; just from Jesus simply taking life and breath, and joy and peace." Take heart, you burdened ones. His heart is moved for you. Give up your burdens, take up his yoke, and be at peace. He sees.

Note: This post was edited for clarity September 22, 2013