All Things Beautiful: A Relaunch

Not long ago, I find myself in the ER. My sweet baby boy has an allergic reaction to a vaccine. I am distraught - could I have known earlier? Is he in pain? His little body is covered in red bumps and the injection sight is angry and swollen red, and my heart just breaks for him as Christ must break for me when sin (mine and others) causes me pain.



We arrive at the ER and the nurse checks his weight and he squalls because he got up so early this morning and he hasn't slept since and this is all so unfamiliar and uncomfortable. I bend down close to his ear and sing him a song and he instantly quiets, to my surprise. Just like Christ's song quiets my soul in the morning and His promises still me.

"Good job, Mama." The nurse is impressed.

And all the stress of being out of control and not knowing what is going to happen wears on me. My baby is going to be fine in a few days; just needs some benadryl, I'm told. But something has been wakened deep in me, and I feel raw and frightened because I remember how raw and frightened I've been. I remember creeping anxiety and the feeling of falling and just wanting to hit the ground so you know you can stand on firm ground. There is always firm ground.

I leave the hospital and stop at a gas station, my sweet baby now comfy with his ni-night blanket and paci. I look at my reflection in the window as I clutch the gas nozzle and I see six-inch strands, too short to be tucked into my bun. Eliot measured his life in coffee spoons, I can measure my freedom in the length of hair riding on the wind and the time it took to grow it. Inches of growth. Inches of life. Inches of Him rebuilding my world.

Long ago, I half-heartedly thought of shaving my head as a sign of frustration; mourning. A cutting off of what came before. If only it were that easy to be rid of the past, I think, but then I remember how Romans says there are no more sacrifices necessary - not even of cut hair - because His forgiveness is entire. I have wondered if I will heal.

God makes all things beautiful in His time. The evil done is not more than the life given. And I know He turns everything to blessing eventually. Everything.

The original name of this blog was The Little Things. I've renamed it because I want to celebrate the promise that Christ is beautiful and He gives beautiful things. He gives them without measure, and I am realizing my healing is in my gratitude. It's in naming the blessings and recognizing the Blesser.

Join me in the thanking!